Family Commands

God’s Commands For the Family


Josiahs Scott,,

1/9/2004; 10/21/07; 7/10/08; 10/27/08; 1/27/10; (10/10/11); 3/2/12; 6/3/13


Part of a 3-Part Series: (1) “Family Commands”; (2) “Submission”; (3) “Biblical Bowing


>> TODO/ Additions!


Complete Table of Contents

Introduction  1

Husbands and Wives  1

The Profound Mystery of Marriage. 1

Pastor 2

Deacons. 2

The Courageous Wife, Suffering Under a Lost Husband. 2

Children  3

Children in General 3

Lots of Children Are a Blessing. 3

Children - From Reproach to Reward. 3

But also Consider The Blessing of Celibacy. 3

No Abortion. 3

Abortion Linked With Idolatry. 3

Punishment of Children. 3

Coming of Age/ Bar Mitzvah. 4



This Bible study is the main resource that I use for couples who need marriage help, and it goes well with the "Submission" Bible Study in exhorting and helping couples fight for Biblical families.   [Premarital couples: See Official Premarital Bible Study (below) for powerful Truth in pursuing purity]. When you add the Divorce and Remarriage teaching to this, it becomes even more helpful in propelling you to fight for your first marriage because God Himself defends it, makes it permanent for life no matter what, and shows that remarriage is never an option apart from death.


Husbands and Wives


The Profound Mystery of Marriage

Eph_5:22-33 EMTV  Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord,  23  because the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.  24  But just as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives be to their own husbands in everything.  25  Husbands, love your own wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,  26  in order that He might sanctify her, cleansing her by the washing of water by the word,  27  that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and blameless.  28  So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he that loves his own wife loves himself.  29  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as also the Lord does the church.  30  For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.  31  "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."  32  This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and to the church.  33  Nevertheless you also individually, let each one love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respect her husband.

Eph_6:1-4 EMTV  Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  2  "Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with a promise:  3  "that it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth."  4  And fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and admonition of the Lord… 12  For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual forces of evil in the heavenlies.


Col_3:16-21 WEB  Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; in all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your heart to the Lord.  17  Whatever you do, in word or in deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father, through him.  18  Wives, be in subjection to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.  19  Husbands, love your wives, and don't be bitter against them.  20  Children, obey your parents in all things, for this pleases the Lord.  21  Fathers, don't provoke your children, so that they won't be discouraged.


Tit_2:4-5 EMTV  so that they may urge the young women to be lovers of their husbands, lovers of their children,  5  temperate, pure, homemakers, good, submitting to their own husbands, lest the word of God be blasphemed.



1Ti_3:4-5 EMTV  one ruling his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence;  5  (for if one does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?);



1Ti_3:11-12 EMTV  Likewise their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things.  12  Let deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children well, and their own houses.


The Courageous Wife, Suffering Under a Lost Husband

1Pe_3:1-7 EMTV  Wives, likewise, subject yourselves to your own husbands, so that even if some are disobedient to the word, that by the conduct of their wives, without a word, they shall be gained for Christ,  2  when they observe your chaste conduct with fear.  3  Of whom let it not be the outward adorning of braiding of hair, and wearing of gold, or of putting on of fine clothes,  4  rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible attitude of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious before God.  5  For thus formerly, the holy women who hoped on God also adorned themselves, subjecting themselves to their own husbands,  6  as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, of whom you became children, when you do good and are not afraid of any terror.  7  Husbands, likewise, live together according to knowledge as with a weaker vessel, with the wife, showing her honor as also a fellow heir of the grace of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered.


Main Contents: Intro | Husbands and Wives | Children




These are my shorthand, personal notes of Bible verses for Children


Children in General

Exo_20:12 WEB  Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which Yahweh your God gives you.

Lev_19:3 WEB  Each one of you shall respect his mother and his father.

Pro_15:5 MKJV  A fool despises his father's instruction, but he who listens to correction is wise.

Pro_23:22 WEB  Listen to your father who gave you life, And don't despise your mother when she is old.

Pro_30:17 WEB  The eye that mocks at his father, And scorns obedience to his mother: The ravens of the valley shall pick it out, The young eagles shall eat it.

Pro_1:8 WEB  My son, listen to your father's instruction, And don't forsake your mother's teaching:


Lots of Children Are a Blessing


Pro_17:6; Psa_128:3-4;


Gen_1:28, Gen_15:4, Gen_15:5 - look at stars; Gen_24:60 - Mother of thousands; Gen_30:1-2 - children or I die!; Gen_33:5, Gen_41:51, Gen_41:52, Gen_48:4; Gen_50:23; Deu_28:4; Jos_24:3-4; 1Sa_1:19, 1Sa_1:20, 1Sa_1:27, 1Sa_2:20, 1Sa_2:21; 1Ch_28:5; Isa_8:18; Job_1:2, Job_42:12-16 


Children - From Reproach to Reward

Gen_30:22-23; 1Sa_1:5-6; Luk_1:24-25


But also Consider The Blessing of Celibacy

Isa_54:1-4; Mat_19:10-12; 1Co_7:1; 1Co_7:6-9; 1Co_7:25-38;  


No Abortion

Luk_1:23-44; Luk_1:56-58


Abortion Linked With Idolatry

2Ki_16:3; 2Ki_23:10; 2Ch_33:6; Eze_16:20-21



2Ki_17:17; Lev_18:21, Lev_20:2; Deu_12:31, Deu_18:10; Psa_106:37; Psa_106:38; Jer_32:35 – Such murder never even came into God’s mind to do; Eze_16:21, Eze_20:26, Eze_20:31


Punishment of Children

Pro_3:12 - Scourges every received son

Heb_12:6-12 - Quotes Pro_3:12 LXX (not the Heb. MT)

Pro_13:20 - Companion of fools

Pro_13:24 - No rod = hate son

Pro_19:18 - Punish while hope (MT: 'no spare for crying')

Pro_20:11 - LXX: youth restrained (MT: 'children can know')

Pro_22:6 - Not in LXX (MT: ‘train up’)

Pro_22:15 - Folly bound up... rod

Pro_23:13-14 - He will not die

Pro_23:24 - LXX: Righteous father brings up well; LXX & MT: father of wise = joy (Pro_27:11)

Pro_29:15 - LXX: Erring child (MT: Left to himself) = shame

Pro_29:17 - Correct son, he give you good

Eph_6:1-4 - Children obey... Father's... no provoking... but discipline


[Pro_20:30 - LXX: bad happens to bad (MT: blueness of wound)]


Coming of Age/ Bar Mitzvah

>> 12 Sons of Jacob: - had a say in leading the decision about their sister - for better or worse: They had a say on whether or not they would do as their father requested for them to go to Egypt

>> prodigal son was free to go make his own decitions


Gal_4:1-2 - Happens to boys (even among gentiles) at “the time appointed by the father”


[Also note that ‘a son is like a slave’ in Gal_4:1 and Sir_3:7 (where “Sir” = “Sirach”)]


Num_30:2 – “Of Age” Means you're personally responsible for your own actions, especially in view of God's Law

(See all of Num_30:1-16)


Joh_9:20-21 – parents: He is of age... He will speak for himself


1Co_11:3 – The head/ authority of every (grown) man [ἀνδρὸς] is Anointed One (“Christ”) (while the head of woman is still man, even after she is “grown”)


Greek: ἀνδρὸς – this does not include boys [παῖδας], girls [παιδισκῶν], or even women [γυναῖκές], but every MAN [ἀνδρὸς].


1Co_13:11 – Grown Men: put away childish things


Jesus Observed Bar Mitzvah

(The Jewish Coming of Age)

Luk_2:40-52; Especially:

Luk_2:7 – Jesus Born

Luk_2:22-24 – Jesus dedicated as a child

Luk_2:42Twelve years old

Luk_2:46-47 – Jesus did Bar Mitzvah

Luk_2:51 – Voluntary, re-subjection to parents


Jesus and His Mother

Mar_3:20-21 – Mother & brothers incited against Jesus

Mar_3:31-34 – Jesus acts contrary to His mother's wishes


Solomon and His Mother

1Ki_2:19 – Solomon honors her

1Ki_2:20-25 – Solomon does not yield his male authority as king to his mother


Grown Sons Had a Choice

Gen_43:1-5 – Judah made conditions (is this a right example for us? It was bad in: Gen_34:30-31, because later: Gen_49:5-7)

Luk_15:11-13 – The younger brother made a choice…

Luk_15:25-32 – The older brother also had a choice…


Bar Mitzvah is when a male child in Jewish culture comes of age. Although most observe this at 13, it seems to have been originally recognized at 12 years old–which is what Jesus observed and recognized Luk_2:42. It should be noted that women do not come of age. Women do not have a bar mitzvah, and it is only more recently in history that apostate liberals have invented a shameful bat mitzvah in their degradation of women. Any concept like this is liberal and unfounded in Biblical history. While boys become men, girls are transferred from their fathers to their husbands (See all of Num_30:1-16).

    Though boys “graduate” into being men, from being under authority to becoming authorities, no son or daughter ever graduates from honoring their parents (Eph_6:1-3; Col_3:20).


Extended Obedience to Parents


Esther -- of course this is the case with girls, but she did so even after being married off!


Patriarchs: Isaac submitting even unto death!

Ishmael to his mom? (pertly)

Jacob to Rebecca





Description: Description: Description: Description: – free Bible studies


Copyright © Josiahs Scott, All rights reserved (see below)


The only reason I put this here is to avoid people misusing this work with bad motives. This is officially copyrighted to protect it from those with money in mind, and to preserve it for free distribution, especially in the unlikely event that someone might think to make money off of it rather than maximizing its distribution. You are permitted and encouraged to freely copy and redistribute this work in its entirety, via standard copy machine or electronic documentation as long as you make no money off of it. If you wish to reproduce this work on any larger scale, please contact me at You may also quote this document, by citing the reference as:


“[Name of Bible Study]” By Josiahs Scott,


Description: Description: Description: Description: Site Meter

Description: Description: Description: Description: unique visitors counter





TODO/ Additions







BBS: Women & Men

Men/Husbands are a New Father to Their Wives

6/2/16-6/3/16; 6/19/16 (recompiled)

tags: Husband as a Father



Ezk raising her as a daughter


Boaz calls Ruth a daughter


if i am a father, where is my honor?



Adam, the first husband, produced his wife as if she were his daughter, produced from his very own substence and taught by him from the beginning of her existence.


es: Search: father -- esp. among the prophets


Jer_3:4, etc. won't you cry to me, my father

you will call me father


Nathan's Story: there was a poor man who bought a sheep, and it slept with hi and ate from his plate, and it was like a daughter to him


2Sa 12:3 but the poor man had nothing, except one little ewe lamb, which he had bought and raised. It grew up together with him, and with his children. It ate of his own food, drank of his own cup, and lay in his bosom, and was to him like a daughter.

2Sa 12:3 But the poor man had only one little ewe lamb, which he had purchased, and preserved, and reared; and it grew up with himself and his children in common; it ate of his bread and drank of his cup, and slept in his bosom, and was to him as a daughter.

2Sa 12:3  καὶ τῷ πένητι οὐδὲν ἀλλ᾿ ἢ ἀμνὰς μία μικρά, ἣν ἐκτήσατο καὶ περιεποιήσατο καὶ ἐξέθρεψεν αὐτήν, καὶ ἡδρύνθη μετ᾿ αὐτοῦ καὶ μετὰ τῶν υἱῶν αὐτοῦ ἐπὶ τὸ αὐτό, ἐκ τοῦ ἄρτου αὐτοῦ ἤσθιεν καὶ ἐκ τοῦ ποτηρίου αὐτοῦ ἔπινεν καὶ ἐν τῷ κόλπῳ αὐτοῦ ἐκάθευδεν καὶ ἦν αὐτῷ ὡς θυγάτηρ·





Sir_7:20-28 Brenton  Whereas thy servant worketh truly, entreat him not evil. nor the hireling that bestoweth himself wholly for thee.  21  Let thy soul love a good servant [Heb: as yourself], and defraud him not of liberty.  22  Hast thou cattle? have an eye to them: and if they be for thy profit, keep them with thee.  23  Hast thou children? instruct them, and bow down their neck from their youth.  24  Hast thou daughters? have a care of their body, and shew not thyself cheerful toward them.  25  Marry thy daughter, and so shalt thou have performed a weighty matter: but give her to a man of understanding.  26  Hast thou a wife *after thy mind [* κατὰ ψυχήν – not in Heb or Syr!!]? forsake her not [μὴ ἐκβάλῃς αὐτήν – do not throw her out (i.e. Do not divorce her)]: but *give not thyself over [* ἐμπιστεύσῃς σεαυτόν] to a *light woman [* μισουμένῃ].  27  Honour thy father with thy whole heart, and forget not the sorrows of thy mother.  28  Remember that thou wast begotten of them; and how canst thou recompense them the things that they have done for thee?



(Incl. Honoring father to atone for sins)


Daughters to NOT have a Batmizfa in the Bible


- it is an evil and perverted, modern invention

- the fact that women never had a batmizfa absolutely proves that she is never intependant apart from her man (husband or father) departing from her (by death or abandoning property)

- see previous thoughts on: the head of woman is still man after being grown

- father held his daughter as much as he demanded for as long as he did not give her away



>> add:


Jeptha had to fulfill his commitment to offer up his daughter because he was her absolute authority and there was no one who could lawfully intervene. But Saul could not fulfill his commitment in killing Jonathan, because Saul was not Jonathan’s absolute authority in a paternal sense, but he could only issue that decree as his king, and because of this, there were people who could and did intervene. No one could lawfully step between the authority of Jeptha and his daughter, but people could step between Saul’s orders and his son’s life.




Wis_3:10-13 Brenton  But the ungodly shall be punished according to their own imaginations, which have neglected the righteous, and forsaken the Lord.  11  For whoso despiseth wisdom and nurture, he is miserable, and their hope is vain, their labours unfruitful, and their works unprofitable:  12  Their wives are foolish, and their children wicked:  13  Their offspring is cursed. Wherefore blessed is the barren that is undefiled, which hath not known the sinful bed: she shall have fruit in the visitation of souls.


Children need to be in subjection

Lev_19:32 - Rise before gray head

Rom_13:7 - Give all their dues

Gal_4:1-2 > Luk_17:7-10




Main Contents: Intro | Husbands and Wives | Children

Main Contents: Intro | Husbands and Wives | Children


Family Commands – Additional Considerations and Enduring Questions

10/10/11 (Relocated); 8/10/13 reincorporated


everything emphasized

honor to honor due

> what has God laid upon children ?

> respect old face




maybe not a good example



Future Plans

At some point I need to capitalize on the fact that Peter urges the wife to suffer in the same way as slaves endure injustice.



Notice these things: Order, Profound, Amazing Submission, Martyr-level Love and protection



Coming of Age – 1/29/10 email response to Jim II:


I am also finally replying to your email about “Cell phone contact”


With a Daughter – If not married off, I would do what seemed to be in her best interest, which would generally mean that no one dangerous talks to her, and if necessary, I would monitor, restrict, or even deny communication with anyone who would attempt to turn her hart away from her father. Women are not designed to defend themselves, but they are made to come under the protection of men. Jesus can help isolated believing women, but this is the exception where supernatural help is strongly needed. And it is not right to put God to the test in this area when He has not seen fit to lay it upon a person in His (all wise) providence.


With Sons – If they are older than 12 I would let them and even charge them to be men who ultimately are solely responsible for managing their own lives. If they remained faithful to me and wanted to continue in what I preached I would give them charges according to truth, as a father also of their faith as Abraham was to his sons (also see Rom_4:12-17 etc.), but this has to be their decision to commit to it, if they would continue in my faith after they passed the age of 12.


I hope it would help you to look at this brief summary of children that I wrote:

And I even began a new point in light of your question:

hope this helps



Man clinging to a woman, as a MAN



The more voluntarily subjected a wife is to her husband, the more deeply she is welded to his insides before he can even help it. If you can jump right in to subjection, you will jump right into his heart before he realizes or thinks to open the door.

- I like persecuted writer  - D’s attitude: He can’t stay me at me for too long


If punishment were still permitted:

For godliness…

- it would explain a lot of things

- just having your face facing that direction, would not make him love you less, but profoundly and deeply more (why? subjection)

- should a woman now who is not punished stand confidently if a man raises his hand, when God expected Egypt to react?

Isa_19:16 Brenton  But in that day the Egyptians shall be as women, in fear and in trembling because of the hand of the Lord of hosts…


- it would more closely reflect Christ and the church

- it would have to be that it would continue (I think) in the exact same sense as it has with children continuing to be punished, because otherwise: a “child is not different at all from a slave” – and we don’t seem to be allowed to beat them… (unless beating without threatening? I think not. God threatens)

- younger women were married to older men to have more of that kind of relationship

- it would not be so difficult in a godly set up, but the problem comes BIG time in an ungodly one

> either way: “WITHOUT fear or amazement”

-WHY?  If a child crumbles under fear, then he will also compromise under fear – this is not an option for a woman of God who must keep truth to her own heart

-what is bad is if a woman did not care if it was scriptural or not, but sought out someone who did not believe it for the sake of “preference” and “safety”

-either way a woman should still be subjected under a “crewel master,” but I her life I in danger, flee.




How the Rape “Need” is Defeated

This is profound:

- subjection to punishment would undercut and replace the perversion that drives a man to rape

Practically speaking:

- A man would never think to rape anyone if he had the need met of a fully subjected wife who would even take punishment. That would chase away any such thought.

-You have undercut any room the devil may use in a man to drive him to this

But you say: only perverts have that type of mindset

- but you don’t understand!

- I’ve seen various men of extremely different dispositions who have no desire to hurt anyone being driven by this same need and torment that craves rape. I’ve wondered for years… how is that met in the right way?

The BIG problem is:

- Rap is like murder

- To a woman it is a monster, to men it is driven out of horrible death of unmet possession

- Men are not at all innocent, but this is the direction it comes out of

- Without justifying any sin, still, often you must understand it to oppose and defeat it

- Those who rape are fully darkened so that they will murder another to console what is tormentingly missing, (like the murderer of those school girls in PA who had previously lost his daughter).

- those who do cannot do it without being overrun with demonic torment and chains. Comparable to Judas who in torment and possession betrayed Jesus and then ran off a cliff.

- Men don’t always realize it: they don’t let themselves believe it is a monster, especially if she gives even a little hint of leeway

- even some men who abhor it, have this very same torment that could potentially drive them to it

- so don’t think ‘he would never want to hurt me’ - because that is not how he thinks of it

- He is living in an immoral culture that is denying the virtue of women, so how is it wrong to him if he defiles a person’s body when cleanness is not what either of them is seeking?

- in the same way those who are violated, themselves, always get trapped in bad relationships (homosexuals, or men who are scoundrels, and women who are violated usually end up with dishonest uncaring men)

- so also men, through torment, are driven toward this very thing toward others that would kill a woman

- fist they need to hear loud and clear: YOU ARE MURDERING, but once they have halted we need to do some serious work to remove that nature

- Rape is not just a “don’t be a pervert” problem. Some people who you think are normal have this type of problem. The need must be addressed in the right way to secure the passion from ever bursting out in the disaster of rape.

- the relationships in this culture are not giving a solution to any of these problems.

- Profound subjection, profoundly fixes, profound problems and produces profoundly unexpected and beautiful results.

But some may feel: “I don’t just want to be an answer to a need” but

- how would it turn a man to love a woman if she fit so perfectly in his life?

- now she would be welcomed into his heart and life



I know a man in family who at first violated a woman and used to vehemently oppose me, but then got a wife who was ridiculously subjected to him: He eventually turned and is completely ashamed and broken over what he did.




I wonder

How would Jesus handle disciplining children?

How would He handle “ruling His own house” (on earth)


Difficulty on guy side of things is how to rule in cretin cases... yet the Bible absolutely demands this...????

I know how to rule bad children, but not bad wives...

what if you were married to unsaved wife? How can you rule? Even more: how would you "punish"?


Difference between church and Prostitute
-Arrows aimed at face

-punish them to their face to destroy them


But on the other hand Miriam:

if a father spit in her face, unclean for certain days


Punishment purifies and removes cancer

"so that all of the churches will know... that I am he who searches"

abuse darkens with evil hopelessness


> It does make a man a man

if it works right this is what it does...

The more a righteous man can be a man (the way things ought to be) the more he is going to be propelled in to cleaving hard fast to his wife in love. The more the bond is accessed the stonger it fortifies in His emotions. When things work right it welds a man to a woman... the way a woman has always wanted... she wants to get into his world, but for some reason he clams up and does not want her in... women feel violated physically when a man does not crave to love her, and men clam up emotionally when she does not crave to be subject to him.

- spiritually a man is caused to have less male hormons physically

- may be a partial reason why so many men don't love their wives. If she is a nag... he does not want to talk to her. Punishment may fix this, but abuse only worsens it! She only nags him more, and he can only abuse her for it.

...But he can be forced to want to open up to a wife who is extreemly subjected to him... this wins him over "without a word" and prays Himself open with his own crow-bar, so woman can be cherished to be a part of his life. If you are self-driven, demanding, particular, pushing him to be a certin way, having requirements, he will naturally close off his heart and feel strange to have you wanting to come in!


But don't worry... when he is old he will wimp out.



Older men are sometimes hyped up on getting men to concede:

- you will learn one day that you cannot force a woman to go your way (which would be true if she is rebellious, but not true in general, nor is this the way it ought to be)

- Men and women get to a point that they joke about how in control "she" is

- they laugh it off

- If you make jokes about it, then you are not willing to take seriously enough to change. (Dad's about moms rebellion, mothers who joke about daughter's attitude)

-Don’t laugh off anything you really want to see changed

- Male smashing seems ok when the women are moderate

-many compromised men-smashers get compromised that way after their man-ness has already been established with their wife

- they are happy they found a middle ground by wimping out that they can both concede to: he does not get honor, but she get’s his trust: but it is a week and shallow one without welling



The only way you will get in is f he stops being a man and your relationship conceeds to wimpyness, and your bond is no proper, but is shallow, counterfitted, and defeted even when you both conceed to this way and practice.


- a pastor: 'lacking male hormones'

- a youth pastor: His wife was there to lead; he was there to slump down into the pew.

- church leader, with progressive leading wife. He onors her and goes along with her, but it is not a feeling of being sealed and welded.


What do you think it does for you if he is not a real man (answer: ‘lacking hormones’)? How well do you think he will cling to you in right love if he compromises the mal-ish way God intended and designed him to be?


This is a real problem when it comes to socks on the fan blade, but...

We pray that a man will rise up to do his job, but if a wife beats him down to it, you will create a monster:

- DivRem preacher: 'not kill ut crucify man'


The more subjected a wife is the more a husband is welded to her in love.


> It does show an absolute rule

> It does show an extremely proper attitude that Scripture demands

>> But what about 'without any fear of amazement...'



Submission and Abuse

A wife is greater than a slave, but even concerning slaves God says:


Eph_6:9 WEB  You masters, do the same things to them, and give up threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no partiality with him.


Col_3:25 WEB  But he who does wrong will receive again for the wrong that he has done, and there is no partiality.


How much more does this apply to a wife? The husband is to be the master of the wife, and this is taught in many places including 1 Pet_3:6 using “lord” [κυριον (kúrion)] which to us is comparable to “Sir” or “Master.”

In 1Ti_3:4-5 (quoted above) a husband who qualifies for leadership must be “ruling”

We can also mention many others including Deu_24:1 and Jer_3:14 where the word for “married” comes from the word “baal” or “master.” So becoming a woman’s husband means becoming her “Master.” This does not however mean that he has a right to abuse his wife (Eph_6:9; 1Pe_3:6-7), but a responsibility to protect her, and give his life for her best interests and greatest benefit at all times (Eph_5:22-33).

God is always wrathful towards people who oppress, and is specifically set against husbands who “deal treacherously” and “violently” with their wives. In Malachi chapter two they found no repentance even though they were crying at the altar because they had not made things right after their horrible treatment of their wives.




I was thinking about what I said about “beating slaves” in the OT and how that was not the same in the New Covenant:


Pro_29:19 WEB  A servant can't be corrected by words. Though he understands, yet he will not respond.


And we might compare this with another verse:


Pro_26:3 WEB  A whip for the horse, A bridle for the donkey, And a rod for the back of fools!


But under the New Covenant there seems to be a different attitude:


Eph_6:5-9 WEB  Servants, be obedient to those who according to the flesh are your masters, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as to Christ;  6  not in the way of service only when eyes are on you, as men-pleasers; but as servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart;  7  with good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men;  8  knowing that whatever good thing each one does, he will receive the same again from the Lord, whether he is bound or free.  9  You masters, do the same things to them, and give up threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no partiality with him.



1Pe_3:1-7 EMTV  Wives, likewise, subject yourselves to your own husbands…  2  when they observe your chaste conduct with fear…  6  as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, of whom you became children, when you do good and are not afraid of any terror. 


> Reverence husbands fearing God, not because they fear the husband directly, but through fearing God they reverence their husbands. Not independently, but in subjection.




This charge to “give up threatening” seems to be based on the same principal as no longer fighting, because he says specifically, “he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven…” Just as Jesus says:


Joh_18:36 WEB  …"My kingdom is not of this world. If my kingdom were of this world, then my servants would fight, that I wouldn't be delivered to the Jews. But now my kingdom is not from here."


The geographical change in the location of God’s “kingdom” from the Holy Land to Heaven has something directly to do with the change of the way we fight:


2Co_10:4 KJV  (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)


I also said that this treatment of slaves was similar for wives. But as I was thinking about it I also considered that that statement could have been misunderstood.

I would not want anyone to think that abuse has ever, or will ever, be condoned by the Bible. God is always wrathful towards people who oppress, and is specifically set against husbands who “deal treacherously” and “violently” with their wives. In Mal 2 they found no repentance even though they were crying at the altar because they had not made things right after their horrible treatment of their wives.


Mal_2:13-17 KJ2000  And this have you done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, because he regards not the offering any more, or receives it with good will at your hand.  14  Yet you say, Why? Because the LORD has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously: yet is she your companion, and the wife of your covenant.  15  And did not he make them one? Yet had he the remnant of the spirit. And why one? That he might seek a godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.  16  For the LORD, the God of Israel, says that he hates putting away [i.e. divorce]: For one covers violence with his garment, says the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that you deal not treacherously.  17  You have wearied the LORD with your words. Yet you say, How have we wearied him? When you say, Every one that does evil is good in the sight of the LORD, and he delights in them; or, Where is the God of judgment?


Having seen enough abuse in relationships, I would say that my experience agrees with the Bible that no one who practices abuse has any chance of going to Heaven unless they seriously repent.

I get deeply mad about abuse.

That having been said, strangely enough, it looks like God not only makes a distinction between abuse and punishment with children, but during the time of the Old Covenant, it looks like He did the same thing for wives and servants. He indicates this in passing by comparing His (just) punishment of the nations with a husband’s treatment of his wife:


Isa_19:16 KJV  In that day shall Egypt be like unto women: and it shall be afraid and fear because of the shaking of the hand of the LORD of hosts, which he shaketh over it.


The question here is not “if” husbands disciplined (or even abused) their wives. But the question is “how is it that God is comparing His actions to anything like this”? But still this is a theme throughout Isaiah, especially toward Israel:


Isa_5:25; Isa_9:12; Isa_9:17-21; Isa_10:4; Isa_14:26-27; Isa_23:11;


Isa_9:13, 17 WEB  Yet the people have not turned to him who struck them, neither have they sought Yahweh of Hosts.  17  …For all this his anger is not turned away, but his hand is stretched out still.


Isa_14:26-27 KJV  This is the purpose that is purposed upon the whole earth: and this is the hand that is stretched out upon all the nations.  27  For the LORD of hosts hath purposed, and who shall disannul it? and his hand is stretched out, and who shall turn it back?


Isa_23:11 WEB  He has stretched out his hand over the sea, he has shaken the kingdoms…


Some Summary

So what I gather from the Bible is that abuse has always been eternally sinful, but there was a time (i.e. during the Old Testament) that punishment extended beyond children. In the New Covenant, there seems to be virtually no other punishment than children given for believers to enforce. (A small exception would be Jesus driving out the money changers, which is hard to apply today without the same temple).


He specifically reaffirms the punishment of children for the new covenant by saying:

Heb_12:5-13 WEB  and you have forgotten the exhortation which reasons with you as with children, "My son, don't take lightly the chastening of the Lord, Nor faint when you are reproved by him;  6  For whom the Lord loves, he chastens, And scourges every son whom he receives."  7  It is for discipline that you endure. God deals with you as with children, for what son is there whom his father doesn't discipline?  8  But if you are without discipline, whereof all have been made partakers, then are you illegitimate, and not children.  9  Furthermore, we had the fathers of our flesh to chasten us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much rather be in subjection to the Father of spirits, and live?  10  For they indeed, for a few days, punished us as seemed good to them; but he for our profit, that we may be partakers of his holiness.  11  All chastening seems for the present to be not joyous but grievous; yet afterward it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been exercised thereby.  12  Therefore, lift up the hands that hang down and the feeble knees,  13  and make straight paths for your feet, that that which is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed.


He shows that even among the christian community there was the punishment of children when He says:

“ 6  …for what son is there whom his father doesn't discipline?... 9  Furthermore, we had the fathers of our flesh to chasten us, and we paid them respect.”

- They did not even know a son among them that did not get punished, even so far as “chastening.”


For husbands and wives, this is unexpected and sobering.  Obviously there are a lot of things to be thankful about the New Covenant, and this is probably one that you would not have thought of before, unless it was brought to your attention. At the same time the Old Covenant still speaks to “social justice” (Rom_1:32) and the best thing to learn might be a sense of adjustment to our default assumptions about a woman’s role.

Under a covenant like ours “threatening” is not an option for husbands as it was in the Old one. How then ought a woman to act under the New Covenant?  Should she be less reverent now that physical repercussions are prohibited, or should there be all the more response of voluntarily reverence?

We said that this was comparable to the change in “slave discipline,” and this is taught in many places including 1Pe_3:6 using “lord” [κυριον (kúrion)] which to us is comparable to “Sir” or “master.” We also mentioned Deu_24:1 and Jer_3:14 the word for “married” comes from the word “baal” or “master”:


H1166 בּעל bâal baw-al'

A primitive root; to be master; hence (as denominative from H1167) to marry: - Beulah have dominion (over), be husband, marry (-ried, X wife).


So the Biblical/ Hebrew concept of marriage was “becoming master of” a wife, and God is not ignorant of this because He uses some interesting plays on words with this when talking to Israel about His marriage to them.


So the change in the treatment of slaves would imply the same change in the treatment of wives, and it says that the change should produce eagerness and sincerity:


Eph_6:5-9 WEB  Servants, be obedient to those who according to the flesh are your masters, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as to Christ;  6  not in the way of service only when eyes are on you, as men-pleasers; but as servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart;  7  with good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men;


This is exactly what we already read about wives in 1Peter 3 last night.


I’m sure that there are other important things to get out of this, but this is a place to start.


I hope all of this clarifies some things.





Abuse vs. punishment


Masters, give up thretening

So does this also mean that they should give up punishing their children?

NO: even among the church he says,

What father 'among you' (including christian ones) does not punish the son 'in whom he delights?'

but does punishment extend beyond children?

Yes --

Jesus made a whip a drove them out of the temple

Jesus not only physically punished people other than his children, He punished people He was not even related to because it pertained to His realm of authority as God's son "over His own house" so to speak.

But the scribes said, "who gave you this authority?" this was forign to them even more so since people were newly being made the children of God by faith in Jesus.


So we see that punishment certinly extends beyond one's own children, and in this case, the only principal we can know of is that it extended to others on the basis of it being under the realm of His authority. He punished even His enemies.

But in most cases, we face our enemies outside of our realm of authority, such as when they strike us on the cheeck. "Your bodies are not your own. You were baught at a price..." therefor we trust and wait for God to avenge the abuse of His property under His authority, since He also owns us all by right of creaion.


So we see that under the new testament we are to continue punishing our children for their good, just as it was emplemented in the Old Covenant. We also see that punishment extends beyond our children to the realm of our authority, because of Jesus in the temple.

Does this yet mean that we don't punish servants or slaves, when it says, "A child is no different than a slave."



Punishment is different than wrath: Wrath means, "You are not my child," while punishment can even mean, "You are the son in whom i delight." We are to have wrath on no one because God says, "Vengence is Mine."

We are only to punish those in our realm of authority, which means no one on this earth, because Jesus says, "If my kingdom were of this world my servants would fight." My realm of kingship is in another place so I turn the other cheack while in my pilgramage here.

And John the Baptist said, "Do violence to no man," so again violence is for another persons harm, but punishment is for their good.


Are we still alowed to kill animals like David did? Yes, as Paul killed the snake, and we may even eat them!